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Wax Jockey: Osama Bin Gnome's Latest Disguise

(Roeters, USA) A candid cell phone photograph purports to show that the local spin doctor of "L'Amore," T. Ora Bora, is attempting to hide the illegal alien Gnome Garnish Waschaei (4Zgnome-BC).

Dressed as a "Personal Wax Buffer Holder" (PWBH, according to Gnomeland Security's file of illegal gnome definitions,) Waschaei is seen here assisting on an early model Packard. Bora, (aka, "Milton,") was not available for comment and could not be located in Fort Lee at his usual hangout, "Tribeca," a bar and multi-national disco lounge.

"I'm telling your face. Mr. Bora is out of town, he's gone to the mountains," said his companion Lumilla Boomshak U. Lakka - F. Lilly Turbelt from press reports

'Osama Bin Gnome' turns up in local taxi ad.; latest attempt at disguise

(Roeters, USA) Exclusive photographic proof as make-up under the hot lights began to melt away around her eyes is that illegal alien Gnome Garnish Waschaei (4Zgnome-BC) attempted to infiltrate the ranks of cab drivers in the New York City area by posing as "Tina," the Taxi Babe for GW Taxi. The company had hired "Tina" to begin a slate of personal appearances beginning with a bikini contest at their World Headquarters and Campus in Fort Lee.

Suspicions arose as "Tina" became "testy," according to Bob Pete, co-founder of the car service, "...every time we asked her to show a teeny bit more cleavage for the publicity photos (final version above) she began to speak this funky mixture of Gaelic and Albanian slang." Tape recorded translations performed by local forensic authorities determined he/she was upset about having "to show this bounty of loveliness 'baefore ates taeme." 

The model, "Tina," was last seen storming off the set shouting, "I bet the boys at Babe's Taxi would treat me with more respect!" - C. Charles Baines

"Osama Bin Gnome" Training Video

(Roeters) Former Gnomeland Defense Director Elbert T.Farmway has supplied Roeters with an apparently confiscated training video through his lawyers Shelmlock, Shemlock & Fred. The video is purported to show new methods in the hunt for illegal alien Gnome Garnish Waschaei (4Zgnome-BC,) now commonly referred to in the media as Osama bin Gnome.

The low quality DVD was delivered (by all accounts) from a dwarf whose hair style was eerily reminiscent of Donald Doo © and spoke in an angry lisp.

-C. Charles Baines

Gw, Taxi Gnome searches for cousin Bløe, FaescheGnome

Gnome Applies to NASCAR

(Roeters) Gnomeland Security has today intercepted an online application by the rogue Gnome Garnish Waschaei (4Zgnome-BC) to compete professionally with the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR.)

The Gnome in application photograph courtesy of CHAW

Bubba L. Frippee, Executive Director of Ceeping Hackers A Way (CHAW) said his group was working in tandem with NASCAR to verify the application's authenticity. "We... (long pause as he wiped spilled brown chaw with tiny, fluffy leaf from his starched 'work' shirt)... we... (additional long pause as he repeated the procedure)...um... (once more, now having perfected the method)... we don't take lightly to these here e-lectronic fraudlent' online claims which could have been 'purpeted' against this new celebrity. Gnome."

In other words, the application might have been entered with the distinct intention to discredit the undercover Gnome who is reportedly attempting also to enroll as a Taxi driver. He is not on record as having a human driver's license. If it were proved that he has applied without one he would be committing a Gnome felony in that Gnomes aren't supposed to man a car.
-C. Charles Baines, Agencies du Gnome

GW, Taxi Gnome finds cousin Igor